014: Self worth.

I'm not looking for attention or anything. I don't even know what I'm looking for sometimes.

Moodswings have begun again, and I know it's compeletly psychological. I should stop this as soon as I can.

I know that I have an almost-perfect life at this time. Being able to pay my bills, I have a job. I have a loving boyfriend and I have almost no debt with $1500 saved up.

For some reason, my brain isn't too fond of the decisions I'm making at this time. I feel that I am a bad person, because I want to be greedy. I want to finish the housework without anyone feeling as if I do all the work. I want people to stop asking me questions about myself, where I'm from. What I do in my spare time.

I am quite happy that I do not have a cat anymore. I hate to admit it, but I became angry. I threw him all over the apartment, I gave him baths because I could - not because he was dirty. The worse scenario was when I made him so mad that he hid inside a wall at my old apartment.

Sometimes, I wonder what if. What if I stayed in Williams Lake, went to school to become a social worker and then persued to be what I wanted to be.

Instead, I came to Calgary, and caught ~. I became more street-smart, yet I still lack basic skills.

Steve won't let me in the kitchen, there's not enough room there for both of us. Mum never taught me how to cook. Sure, I can flip burgers. What else do you need in life?

I am beginning the rounds of depression again. I think that I need some time by myself, maybe a week - away from life. I know Steve may not be able to sleep, but I need to think myself through. I just wish that I was making more money, so I could actually afford what I need instead of scraping it together.

Yeah, kid. You've come a long way. You've become everything that you hate about yourself.